


Dance First

by akamine_chan



Category: due South
Genre: Community: ds_con_envy, M/M, Podfic Available
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-03-29
Updated: 2008-03-29
Packaged: 2017-10-02 12:20:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akamine_chan/pseuds/akamine_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fraser was sure he was asleep and dreaming. Nothing else could explain why Ray was dancing in the living room at three in the morning, the shuffle-step-slide-slide-shuffle of Ray's feet loud enough to be heard over the music quietly playing in the background.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dance First

**Author's Note:**

  * For [primrose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/primrose/gifts).



> Written for the LiveJournal community ds_con_envy
> 
> Written for Primroseburrows during the 2008 Con Envy fic exchange. A multiplicity of thanks to Ainsley for taking time during her busy life to look this over. She is truly a wonder and a marvel and I never thank her enough. So, thanks, Ainsley. Title is stolen from a Samuel Beckett quote, _"Dance first. Think later. It's the natural order"._ The song is _Slip Slidin' Away_ by Paul Simon. This came out more angsty than I'd planned, but hopefully Primroseburrows still enjoys it. *crosses fingers*
> 
> Prompt: "I can dance, but I never said I could sing."
> 
> Also available as a [podfic](http://audiofic.jinjurly.com/dance-first) performed by the lovely podfic_lover.

Fraser was sure he was asleep and dreaming. Nothing else could explain why Ray was dancing in the living room at three in the morning, the shuffle-step-slide-slide-shuffle of Ray's feet loud enough to be heard over the music quietly playing in the background.

They'd fought earlier in the evening, fought over Fraser's tendency to _think too much_, as Ray had put it. In the end, Ray had stormed off into the evening, leaving Fraser alone.

Fraser hadn't expected Ray to come back.

Rubbing at his tired eyes, Fraser crept into the doorway to watch. He tilted his head and listened to the lyrics as Ray danced in the muted light, a creature of movement and grace.

_I live in fear  
My love for you is so overpowering  
I'm afraid that I will disappear_

Fraser understood the sentiment, deep in his heart. Losing himself was always his greatest fear. With Victoria, he'd been overwhelmed by his feelings, drowning in them and letting go of his tightly held control in the vain hope of a rescue. Instead, she'd stood by and laughed when he'd gone under for the last time. He still saw the contempt in her cold brown eyes in his nightmares.

As Ray turned in time with the music, Fraser found his attention riveted on Ray. He watched as Ray swayed, eyes closed, completely unselfconscious in his motions. He was such a physical man, so in tune with his body and so unaware of the effect he had on Fraser.

He made Fraser _lust_. Lust, in the sense of an intense or obsessive desire. He lusted after the touch of Ray's hands, the feel of those long, dexterous fingers lightly brushing over his ribs, chasing shivers down his spine. It was a hunger that never diminished, never dampened. The intensity of it frightened him, left him feeling uneasy and uncomfortable.

_She said a good day  
Ain't got no rain  
She said a bad day's when I lie in bed  
And think of things that might have been._

This need he felt was ridiculous. He was a grown man, nearing forty, well past the age for teenage crushes and intense sexual attraction. He should have learned his lesson with Victoria, with all the things that should have been. The near-loss of Ray Vecchio's familial home, the almost-destruction of his reputation, his honor, and the most painful of all, the shattering of the trust and partnership between them. Ray Vecchio had sworn that he'd gone to Las Vegas because it was the right thing to do, but Fraser had doubts about that.

He wondered how much longer it would be until _this_ Ray would tire of him, become frustrated by his insecurities and neediness, his fears. Victoria had pushed him away repeatedly, accusing him of being too clingy. Starved by the lack of emotional connection during his time with her, he found himself holding tighter to Ray Vecchio, and when he left, Ray Kowalski.

He could hear Ray humming along with the song, dancing around the living room with his invisible partner. Fraser was sure that Ray was imagining himself dancing with Stella again. It was always Stella.

_He came a long way  
Just to explain  
He kissed his boy as he lay sleeping  
Then he turned around and headed home again._

Fraser rubbed at his face, exhaling tiredly. He hadn't seen his father again since the mineshaft. Fraser had grown used to the snarky comments and obtuse advice, had learned what it was like to have a _father_, for the first time in his life.

Then his father had left him again.

Sometimes, when he was curled around Ray, drowsing warmly under the covers, he could still feel his mother's gentle touch on his cheek as she led his father into the light.

Ray spun his imaginary partner around and opened his eyes, looking at Fraser. He had a small smile on his lips as he extended his hand out towards Fraser. "Dance with me, Ben," he murmured quietly, his anger from earlier gone.

Fraser shook his head and backed away, feeling terribly self-conscious. He hadn't meant for Ray to catch him watching, and wanted nothing more to go back to bed and forget all about their fight and his midnight insecurities. He started to turn back towards the bed and was startled when Ray grabbed him by the elbow.

"Dance with me," Ray insisted, pulling Fraser close and draping his arms around Fraser's broad shoulders.

Fraser let Ray hold him, following his strong lead as they swayed and rocked to the music. Ray nipped at his ear, sending shocks of pleasure through his tense body.

_Slip slidin' away  
Slip sliding away  
You know the nearer your destination  
The more you're slip slidin' away._

"Do you get what he's saying, Ben?" Ray asked, nibbling on Fraser's ear lobe. Fraser stifled what would have been an embarrassingly loud moan by biting his lip.

Fraser shook his head, nuzzling into Ray's neck and inhaling his scent, reassured by the clean smell of Ray's skin.

Carefully, he tilted Fraser's face up and kissed him softly, sweetly. Looking into his eyes, Ray repeated the words of the chorus along with Paul Simon. "What he means is, the harder you try to get somewhere, the further away you really are." He stroked the line of Fraser's cheekbone with a broad thumb. "I love you, Ben. But you need to relax and try to let yourself be open. This is never going to work otherwise."

Ray kissed him again. "I know it's hard, but you gotta try. We both got to try." Ray spun Fraser into a slow half-turn and brought him close again, gazing seriously into Fraser's eyes. "What we've got is worth fighting for."

Fraser looked at Ray. Ray was not Victoria, was nothing like her, and he had to learn to put his trust in him. To give over his heart into Ray's care. In Ray's clear blue eyes there was nothing but love and trust and hope. It frightened him, but he took the leap anyway. It was the least he could do for Ray.

"I'll try, Ray." He sighed, feeling like a great weight had been lifted from his chest. "I love you, too."

Ray laughed and pulled him through a couple of quick, complex dance steps, humming along with the song. "I can dance, but I never said I could sing. That's your job."

Fraser smiled and sang for him.

-fin-

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Dance First [Podfic]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3911905) by [podfic_lover](https://archiveofourown.org/users/podfic_lover/pseuds/podfic_lover)




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